Oh my gosh, shut up about exercise... I swear...


"Oh, you're depressed? Get some exercise, you'll feel great!"


No, I most certainly won't, but thank you so much for feeding into that old wives tale, just like everyone else. And thank you so much for the useless advice that does nothing but worsen my depression. It's so nice of you to offer this advice, seeing as how you're not any of the myriad doctors I see regularly.

Not only does exercise make me feel worse in almost every case, but hey, guess what?: your advice does too, because no matter how many times I hear it, no one believes me when I say, "no, I won't feel great, I'll either self-harm for days afterwards, or be unable to get out of bed."

"Oh, well, you've got to be doing it wrong if you feel worse. You have to do it until you get the runner's high! Then you'll feel so awesome, like I do when I go for a five mile jog!"

Or better yet, my personal favourite,

"if you feel worse afterward you're exercising too hard! You gotta start out slow and build up!"

Let me let you in on a little secret of mine, guys: I've never had this "runners' high" a single time in my life that I can recall. I have tried every kind of exercise I can think of that doesn't require massive out-lays of expense, and every level of intensity under the sun. I have taken five minute walks that didn't even budge my heart rate, and had hour-long jogging slog-fests that had sweat coursing down my body.

Guess what? None of them helped my depression!

In fact, all of them made it worse. Some made me suicidally worse, like I am today. But even the ones that weren't too bad and which I am capable of keeping up long-term, were still harder on me than simply being sedentary.

So thank you all for your recommendations. It's nice that you made them, and I understand you do it because you care.

I'll be sticking to my current exercise regime consisting of "no exercise unless I am goaded into it, or required to do it by work". I'm less likely to do additional serious mental damage to myself this way, and it also leaves me some spoons for, you know, actual day-to-day activities. So I can shower and feed myself and what-not. You know, those silly frivolities everyone else takes for granted, but which for me mean carefully budgeting my energy so I can fit everything in...

Categories depression, mental health