It looks like I unfollowed a bunch of people on twitter yesterday due to my episode. I can barely remember even a little bit about it, but these things seem to screw me up way worse the more they happen. I don't remember much at all, which is kind of frightening. Let me see if I can piece it together...

At first it was just politics in general. I unfollowed anyone posting about them. Especially folks who only or mostly post about politics. Guess what, as important as it is for me to know about what's going on in the world, I can't handle hearing about it. It makes my anxiety even worse, and pushes me that closer to self-harm.

I think I unfollowed about two or three folks doing this who had missed the previous "political purge". Not sure I miss any of these that much.

I think after that, I was just annoyed at everyone posting about dating and being a domme/sub or top/bottom and getting all graphically descriptive about those topics. I don't want to see or read about this crap, I'm not into it. I don't know what I would be anyway, because sex isn't something I have access to, and possibly never will. Sometimes just reading about it makes me extremely unhappy because there's nothing I can do about that, and it brings up all sorts of regret and anger. Like serious anger.

So I may have unfollowed anyone who mentioned sex, posted a top/bottom gag, or that variety of thing. (Person who posted a photo of their sub with molten candle wax on her back with huge whip marks under it, you were included here. What the actual hell.)

After that I can't even remember what happened, to be perfectly honest. I think I was too far into my anxiety/panic/depression/self-loathing... thing. Whatever it is and whatever it's called.

It's still not completely gone, either, but at least I'm thinking more clearly again already. Shoot I need a psychiatrist badly. Like super badly.

Categories mental health, twitter